I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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