She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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