haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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