i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
