I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
