I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
