So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
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Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
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