P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
