Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
