i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
wanna go halves on a baby?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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