woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
