I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
