not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize