i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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