While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
