you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
