LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
