a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
