i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Randomize
