You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
