SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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