I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
