see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
