holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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