So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
