I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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