Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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