Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
