how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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