please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
