it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
