She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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