i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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