he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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