She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
