You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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