when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
