Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
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