Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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