Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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