Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
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