It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Randomize
