you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
