Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
