So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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