you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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