i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
