i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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