I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Randomize
