drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
