your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
