he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
