I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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