you turned your livingroom into a bong?
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
