My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
