Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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