I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
