I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
