She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize