Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
She said her name was "party"
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
