I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
