you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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