if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize