So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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