some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Even the bartender felt bad for me
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
