Where did you get a picture of my penis
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
