Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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