went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
