You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
