Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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