just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Four minutes until I can fart!
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
