If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
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