Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
