I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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